How to use January energy well (in dating)

Preparation, clarity, and the support that helps momentum last

January has a particular kind of energy.

After the slowdown of December, people feel lighter. More hopeful. More open to possibility. There’s a natural pull to get out there again, meet new people, and see what might unfold 🌱

That optimism can be incredibly helpful in dating.
It can also work against you if it isn’t paired with preparation.

In my last newsletter, I wrote about the dating skills many men don’t learn but deeply need: self-awareness, emotional clarity, and intentional communication. January doesn’t replace the need for those skills. It amplifies the results when they’re present and exposes the gaps when they’re not.

If you’re feeling ready to put yourself out there this month, here are a few ways to use that momentum wisely:

✨ Get clear on what you’re building.
Not just who you’re attracted to, but the kind of relationship you actually want and how you want to feel in it.

📸 Make sure how you’re showing up matches who you are now.
Profiles, photos, language, first impressions. January is a great time to refresh what’s outdated and let go of what no longer fits.

🗣️ Practice how you show up in real time.
Dating isn’t just about matches. It’s about conversation, presence, pacing, and feedback.

This is where support can be especially helpful.

Some people work with me on online dating profile revamps or ongoing profile management, so their profiles reflect who they are and what they want to build. Others benefit from mock dates with dating coach Eric Leonard, where they get real-time feedback on communication, body language, and pacing in a low-pressure setting.

For those looking for deeper, more curated support, I also offer matchmaking services designed to take the guesswork out of dating and focus on thoughtful, intentional introductions.

And if you’re someone who prefers to meet people in person, Storyfull Social is my way of building connection-forward community offline — through conversation prompts, games, and relaxed, welcoming events 🤍

Here’s what’s coming up in January:

📅 Jan 8 – Speed Friending (singles & non-singles welcome)
📅 Jan 15 – Singles Event for 30s/40s
📅 Jan 22 – Singles Event for 20s/30s
📅 Jan 29 – Singles Event for 45+

Later this week, I’ll also be sharing a conversation with a communications professor and expert in authenticity and non-verbal communication. We’ll explore how much we signal without realizing it, and why preparation shows up long before the words do.

January is a powerful starting point.
Preparation is what helps it last 💫

The Dating Skills No One Taught Men (But Every Man Needs)

December 11, 2025

Most men were never taught how to date well.
Not how to express interest with confidence.
Not how to handle uncertainty without spiraling.
Not how to stay grounded when a woman pulls back.
Not how to communicate needs without feeling needy.

So what happens?

Good men. Sincere men. Emotionally aware men.
End up feeling confused or discouraged because dating feels like a game they somehow missed the rulebook for.

The truth is this:

You are not doing anything wrong. You were simply never given the skills.

Today’s Field Notes is about the five ego-driven habits that quietly make dating harder for men and the simple, accessible shifts that make everything easier.

These are not lofty spiritual ideas.
They are practical, human behaviors you can apply immediately.

1. Choose curiosity over defensiveness

Most tension in dating comes from misunderstanding, not malice.

Instead of reacting fast or assuming the worst, try asking:

“Can you help me understand what you meant?”

Internally, try saying “interesting” before you say “wrong.”

Why this works:
Curiosity keeps your nervous system open.
Defensiveness closes connection fast.
Presence is more attractive than perfection.

2. Interrupt the story before it takes over

Uncertainty often creates mental noise.

“She must have lost interest.”
“I messed this up.”
“I bet she is talking to someone else.”

Ego loves jumping to conclusions.

Try interrupting the loop with:

“I actually do not know the motive here.”

Then redirect your attention. Move rooms. Change tasks. Reset your physiology.

Why this works:
Women can feel the difference between a man who stays grounded and a man who spirals.
Stillness reads as emotional safety.

3. Allow discomfort without turning it into identity

You can feel awkward, jealous, unsure, or disappointed without collapsing into:

“I am not enough.”
“I always ruin things.”
“She must be out of my league.”

Feelings are data, not verdicts.

Why this works:
A man who can feel discomfort without self-doubt radiates steadiness.
Emotional resilience is deeply attractive and often misunderstood as confidence.

4. Practice soft boundaries instead of hard armor

Most men swing between over-accommodating and shutting down.

There is a middle path.

“That does not work for me.”
“I need a little more planning.”
“I prefer slower pacing.”

You do not need to justify your needs.

Why this works:
Clarity reduces anxiety for both people.
Women trust men who communicate calmly instead of withdrawing or reacting.

5. Shift from performance to presence

A lot of men think dating is about being impressive.
But women connect through presence, not performance.

Speak a little slower.
Listen without planning your response.
Share something real instead of polished.

Why this works:
Presence invites intimacy.
Performance creates pressure.

The deeper truth

Most men are not emotionally unavailable.
They are emotionally unpracticed.

They care deeply.
They want connection.
They want to show up well.

They were simply not given the tools.

These ego-softening skills are not about changing who you are.
They are about unlocking patterns that allow you to date with more ease, confidence, and alignment.

Dating gets easier when you stop fighting yourself.

And because dating is part psychology, part communication, and part nervous system… I’m bringing in experts you’ll want to hear from.

Coming soon on Storyfull Conversations podcast:

• A UCCS communication professor diving into nonverbal cues, deception, and how authenticity shows up in the body
• A trauma therapist who specializes in somatic therapy — how your body reacts before your mind does, and why this matters in dating

If you want deeper insight beyond this newsletter, follow Storyfull Conversations on YouTube (link below) so you don’t miss the upcoming episodes.

If this resonated, you are in the right place

This is the first issue of Storyfull Field Notes, a biweekly note on dating, connection, psychology, and relational skill building for thoughtful, sincere men who want dating to feel clearer and more aligned.

If you want more insight you can actually use, make sure you are subscribed.

Thank you for being here.
More soon.